I believe, yet I doubt.

My posts have been a bit irregular the last couple weeks. I'm sorry, I really want to post 4-5 times a week. I've written and rewritten this post about dealing with doubt a dozen times. It's been hard to finish. I'm in the middle of a season of doubt about myself, my vocation and even my worth. I know the Lord loves me, values me and counts me as His son. But in weeks like this, I still wonder.

During hard times, it's natural to wonder what God is doing and where He is. Deep in my soul I know he loves me, but sometimes it seems He's far away. Doubt is not uncommon to the Lord's people, take Psalm 102 for instance. The Psalmists asks why the Lord is hiding His face while he suffers. But it's OK to have doubt and questions and those feelings are normal. Thank God, He's big enough to handle them. It's not like the Lord's up there thinking, "Oh no, Kendall's doubting my plan. I hope I've got it all worked out... not sure where this thing's going." Nope. He's got it figured. He's told me so.

Last Sunday we sang the old hymn "Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus." I love the chorus, "Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him... Oh, for grace to trust Him more!" It reminds me of the father who begged Jesus to heal his son and cried out, "I believe; help my unbelief!" I really get that. I believe my Father loves me and is working a plan for my life. I know He has not abandoned me in my dark times. I don't doubt He's with me, but I still have doubts.

Oh, for grace to trust Him more.