I can't feel at home.

I've shared my struggle with my current situation, career and life. I don't like where I am. I want it to be different. It's uncomfortable. It's discouraging. It's just not fun. In this place, though, I'll still tell you I'm doing OK. The Lord meets my true needs. I'm blessed with a wonderful wife of nearly 17 years, great friends and a special church. I've got a lot to be thankful for, and I am thankful. Yet, there are still things I wish were different. I don't like this place and I think to myself, "life was supposed to be different. I'm not supposed to be here."

Then I had a short chat with an older, wiser friend who reminded me of something I often forget. My "here" is wrong. The "here" I'm not happy with is not my present circumstances, but this fallen, sinful world. I've been focusing on the the wrong "here." We weren't made for this place. It's simple yet profound. This world and it's trouble continually remind us that we were made for someplace different. A life in unbroken relationship with the Lord and with others.

The old hymn was spot on... this world is not our home, we're just passing through. We were made for a different place and none of us will find complete contentment and peace until we get there. I think we're supposed to be uncomfortable in this world. It makes us long for home and dependent on the only source of contentment and peace that matters. Until we cross over Jordon, we're going to feel a bit out of sorts. Now I understand the closing line of that old song, "I can't feel at home in the world anymore."

I can't feel at home here. I never will. And that's OK.

Back to Egypt.

I don't like where I am right now. I'm uncertain and discouraged about my career and dreams. I just had my one year anniversary in a job I don't enjoy. My career trajectory stalled, if not crashed, a year ago. I'm back doing the same kind of work I was doing 6 years ago, and for less money than back then. The career progress of the last few years was wiped out. I'm not sure why the Lord has me here. I know it's a journey, but I want to know the direction and the goal. I'd just like to go back to better times.


And then I came across Number 14:3-4. It's a curious passage. "Why is the Lord bringing us into this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become a prey. Would it not be better for us to go back to Egypt?” And they said to one another, “Let us choose a leader and go back to Egypt” (ESV).


We read that today, knowing the end of the story, and wonder how they could be so foolish and short-sighted. The Israelites could only see the pain where the Lord had them, and not the plan He was working. Not only was He was leading them to the Promised Land, but was calling them to be His people. It was a gracious gift but they wanted to throw it all away and go back to slavery. They wanted the certainty of the daily routine. Even if that was a return to oppression.


But aren't we that way too?


We can only see the pain and uncertainty of right now. We know the Lord has a plan for us but we don't know what it is. We enter a time of transition and the future is uncertain; we are wandering. We want out of the desert even if it means not going where the Lord is leading us. We want the familiar. Going back to the known routine can make slavery look better than being free. But the Lord leads and He's certain of our destination.


I don't like where I am right now. But that's OK, I don't need to. It's not the end of the story. I'll tell you more next time.